Both circles have a significant impact on the quality of your life. As a proactive person, you want to focus your energy on these circles and things you can do something about.
Circle of control
The circle of control consists of two circles:
The first circle represents you and what you CAN control. In this very circle, you write down things that you have a control of, such as:
your circle of influence, your actions & reactions, your results, your power, your words, your beliefs, your motions, your mistakes, your effort, your physical state, your life, your goals, your ideas etc.
On the outside, there is another circle and that is the circle representing things that are outside of your control. For example:
other people’s actions, other people’s words, other people’s judgement, other people’s mindset, other people’s mistakes, other people’s feelings, other people’s behaviour, other people’s point of view, other people’s ideas, other people’s unwillingness to change, other people’s way of living, other people’s habits, other people’s personality etc.
It is alarming how many people think it is OK to judge others, to tell them what to do with their life and how they know the best because maybe they are older than the person standing in front of them.
You CANNOT control the things that happen, but you CAN control the way you react to them.
Circle of influence
I went on a self-development journey at the beginning of 2016, and I have read a lot of books featuring this circle of influence, but apart from the books, I have started listening to Hal Elrod’s podcasts hosted by Nick Palkowski. Hal is a best-selling author of The Miracle Morning book and a very recent cancer survivor with a very optimistic attitude that I love and admire. In one episode, Hal talked about this circle of influence and it inspired me to create a spread in my journal that you can see below:
In this circle, you write down 5-10 people you spend the most time with, and then ask yourself a few questions:
Who am I around?
What are they doing to me?
What have they got me reading?
What have they got me saying?
Where do they have me going?
What do they have me thinking?
Who do they have me becoming?
How do they have me feeling?
→ IS THAT OK??
We are all little pieces of other people who have an impact on us by being our friends and family. Is that in alignment with where you want to go and who you want to become?
Measure these people in your circle and consider different things – their relationships, success, fitness level, health, weight, mindset, happiness etc.
You cannot let other people’s fears, insecurity and limiting beliefs, limit what is possible for YOU. Look at your circle, upgrade and CHOOSE people who you want to surround yourself with. It can even be someone who you admire from distance – find out what is important to them and how you can support that, how you can contribute. Do some research and take action. Though, keep in mind that you want to genuinely connect, do it selflessly, not because you only want to get something. Connect because you like that person, not because you expect something in return.
Ask what they need right now, contribute, be knowledgeable, add value to their circle of influence as well as yours.
If you don’t know what kind of people you would like to socialize with, ask yourself what you want to achieve in your life, what are your goals, what hobbies you have…? Specify and find like-minded people. Know, that it takes time. You need to commit to it, and be patient while taking steps forward.
Where can you find new friends and like-minded people?
There is a great website called meetup where you can find groups of people according to your interests. It is a very good start and it’s free to join.
You can also volunteer, go to a seminar, workshop, library, event, class, dog walking group if you own a dog etc.
Please note, that I am not saying your current friends are bad just because maybe they are not interested in self-development, goal setting, creating better life etc. Maybe, they are happy where they are now and that is OK for them, but if you feel like they are holding you back in some way, try not to spend so much time with them. Even with relatives. And focus on connecting with like-minded people.